“The best things in life are actually expensive.” -Unknown
This is something that happened recently. I live in a really cold place right now, and I don’t want to say where cause I like people not knowing. I mean, I am a character in an internet comic book, so being able to walk down the street amongst people that don’t really use the internet is something I like. Let’s all be honest, I am the best character in Cody and David.
Davidlee once told me that writing for my character is easy, because it is basically just writing me.
I appreciate at that. I put a lot of work into portraying that character in the comic. I am the only one at the studio that really gets into acting my role, no one else does that.
“Welton, it’s a comic.”
And? I don’t get that. I am still acting in the comic. I portray this character and I portray my character better than anybody else does. Davidlee fucking phones in his role as David. Don’t get me started on Cody when the pencil is on paper, motherfucker is hardly even around. These new cats that got starring in the comic I ain’t ever met before.
They don’t care.
I’m a professional. Acting is my shit. Yeah, I only star in a comic book on the internet, but I ain’t about to half-ass my performance! That ain’t me.
Which brings me back to what I was talking about the thing that happened recently. Let’s start a new chapter section for it.
Know Your Worth
As I said, I live in a really cold place. Davidlee lives in a usually really fucking hot place. Savannah, Georgia. So after I got my car out twenty-feet of snow, I took a little road trip.
He wasn’t expecting me.
I made him get dressed and forced him to take me out to lunch, telling him that he bill was on him.
We went to the Pirate’s House, cause their lunch buffet is fucking kicking. Delicious collard greens over there and I damn sure get my money’s worth at a buffet.
Well, on this day I was getting Davidlee’s money’s worth.
We shot the shit, had some margaritas and ate some good food and then we got down to business.
“I don’t think I am compensated enough my work on Cody and David,” I said to him, in my business voice.
“None of us are compensated for it, Welton. We aren’t that big.”
I fucking threw a biscuit at him.
“How you paying for this, then” I asked of him.
“I have a full-time job.”
Motherfucker acted like I didn’t know this!
“Yeah! So do I! I am the best actor at the studio, and you know this!”
“Welton,” he said, sipping his margarita. “No one is acting! We don’t act! We make comics!”
This showed me he knew the truth of the situation.
“Duh,” I started, shoving some delicious macaroni and cheese in my mouth. “I know nobody acts! I am the only one that takes my role serious! Who else sends in videos of there scenes for you to draw? Huh? Tell me!”
“Only you do. And I have told you multiple times that it is pointless.”
This right here pissed me the fuck off! I flipped the table and got us kicked out. We went down to River Street and some dude made me a rose made out of something. I threw it away.
“You mean to tell me,” I shouted and people looked. “That my dedication is pointless?”
Davidlee shook his head. He said, “I appreciate your dedication, but until, and it is still an ‘if’, we start the cartoon, no one needs to act! It’s a comic!”
This blew my mind. Imagine how shitty the Iron Man comics would be if Robert Downey Jr. gave no shits about portraying Iron Man? They would suck.
And right now I am the only one carrying these comics! Best part of Homewrecker? Me, motherfuckers! I actually jumped out of the window of a tall ass building! Broke my fucking legs and got a concussion! Breakup Trilogy? Don’t even get me started! They didn’t even finish that shit cause I was stealing the motherfucking show! Every single line, I fucking slayed! Hell, I slayed Joe’s lines better than Joe!
Davidlee said some other shit and it made me so mad that I slapped his ass, his glasses flew into the Savannah River, and I stormed off. I was so mad that I walked all the way home, and I made it home in two-weeks. Tired as fuck and then angry cause I was so angry that I forgot I left my car in fucking Savannah and I had to walk all the way back to pick that shit up.
When I drove back home, I blasted “Party Like A Rock Star” the entire ride.
It was at this time that I quit Cody and David.
For an entire month. They tried to say they was on hiatus at this time, but that was because the talent left.
During this time I had so many online comics approaching me to act in. Penny Arcade? Yeah, they wanted me, but I wanted to not get involved in that nerdy shit. Too close to my Cody and David shit, I had to reinvent myself.
I was approached by some Japanese dudes and starred in a few interracial hentai mangas. That was a blast! All of my tapes were of me with my pillow, completely naked, and an anime girl’s face taped to it, just fucking the shit out of it.
They all appreciated how fierce my dick looked and the amount of jizz I would shoot all over my pillow.
I was finally appreciated. AND I was making some dough. Not a lot. I didn’t wake up in a new Bugatti. Hell, I didn’t even wake up in a used 90’s Toyota. But it did buy me some dope ass Taco Bell.
I can’t lie, though. I felt empty. Was making money to fuck my pillow with an anime girl’s face taped to it really what I wanted to be known for?
No. No it was not. No matter how much fine hentai manga pussy I was getting, it just wasn’t my jive. Know what I mean? You have to have purpose in your life, and in your work. That is what being Fucking Awesome is all about. And god damn it, I wasn’t gonna be known as the big dicked black hentai actor for the rest of my life. If I was to ever have kids, I couldn’t read that shit with them? I mean, I probably shouldn’t read my Cody and David shit with them, but it would be better than my hentai shit!
This is when I learned something more important than knowing your worth, and that was…
Know Your Purpose
When I got word that Cody and David was coming off of hiatus, I was in a bar in Japan, drunk on sake, eating sushi, and a gorgeous wife at my side. She too was in the hentai game, and we had starred in a few mangas. Hot shit. One of them involved me, her, and a tentacle monster that was fucking both of us while I was fucking her.
My phone went ding. It was Davidlee.
“We are relaunching Cody and David. You down?”
I read that text twenty times.
I thought about it for thirty-seconds. Looked at my wife and said, “I want a divorce.”
I stood up, left the bar, and her, and got onto an airplane. As soon as I landed in Atlanta, I called my boy, Lil Wayne.
He didn’t answer.
As I set at the gigantic airport in Atlanta, I realized that my purpose was to be in Cody and David, because if I wasn’t, it would fucking fail. Like, hard. I got an Uber to Savannah, and that was expensive and took up all of my hentai manga money.
When I saw Davidlee, I kissed him. And said, “let’s fucking do this.”
I turned down a lot of comic roles, cause none of them called to me. I belong at Cody and David Studios, and I am meant to be the number one god damn actor in their comics!
They know this. They may not say it, but they know it.
I do miss my ex-wife though and still read a lot of the work she is starring in. Her most recent hentai manga had her getting gangbanged by a demon army and fucked by a demonic horse monster.
In My Zone
Once the new script hit my inbox, I fucking read that shit hard. Got my phone ready and went out to my car and got in the passenger’s seat, cause that is where my character is sitting in the front seat and I fucking killed the performance. I killed it so good, that Davidlee never replied to it when I sent it to him.
One reason I am so good at my performance is that I don’t do drugs.
A week after hearing the hiatus was over, Lil Wayne hit me up.
We were sitting at his pad smoking weed and sipping on codeine. He was excited for me. He started pouring champagne on his phone like in that one commercial.
“That’s so great,” he said. “I am so happy for you.”
“You should make a cameo in one of them,” I said in excitement.
“Nah. Nah. They got a comic with a dude raping another dude’s mouth! That’s fucked up.”
I laughed. I love that scene.
“They won’t do a scene of you getting raped in the mouth, dog!”
He shook his head. Sipped his lean, clapped his hands, and 6 Foot 7 Foot started playing, and we just got tore up!
I tried to convince him to let us feature one of his songs in the comic, and he all he did was ask how that would work.
Maybe one day he will come around to it.
Then How To Love came on and we just hugged each other, sipped Lean, and sang along with tears in our eyes.
I knew I had made the right choice by returning to Cody and David Studios.